Announcing EVO Zepto

To be frank, the world isn’t ready for petabyte solutions. It’s ready for zettabyte solutions.

Media production means sifting through footage. Footage takes up lots of space. Time and resources are spent getting every single clip from point A to point B, sometimes at excruciatingly slow speeds. What can you do? Technology can only do so much, right? Wrong.

Mad Science

For the past seven years, scientists at Studio Network Solutions have been covertly experimenting with the energy transfer of different types of dark matter. That important scientific research – combined with a rabbit’s foot and a dusty old book found in the floorboards of the county library – has allowed us to create the world’s most powerful storage system in a compact, two-and-a-half-inch flash drive.

“We spent hundreds of hours fighting in-house about which postage stamps we should use to mail EVO Zepto to customers. It’s really a tough decision, there are a lot of really unique stamp collections with cartoon characters, classic musicians, and local wildlife,” says Truman Wheeler, Marketing Creative at Studio Network Solutions. “I’m proud to say that, after conducting over 34 mind-melting focus groups we have chosen a winner: ‘Nuts of the World’. Peanuts, hazel nuts, cashew nuts, macadamia nuts, all natural white pistachio nuts, pine nuts. They have them all.”

EVO Zepto is capable of storing 16 zettabytes of footage, and can transfer files at a blazing 1024 bytes per second. While neither federal government responded to questioning, these speeds are technically illegal in the United States of America and the Kingdom of Denmark. While the jury is still out on the safety of EVO Zepto, it is undeniably the fastest possible way to transfer files ever invented. All transfers tested in the SNS Laboratory were instantaneous, except program files for McAfee Antivirus.

How Can I Buy?

The retail price for EVO Zepto is just $3.50, making it a must-buy for anyone who has ever witnessed a computer. Because of the massive upcoming demand, our sales team at SNS has been instructed to hang up on anyone who attempts to call about Zepto and respond to email inquiries with a long string of “?????”.

“I don’t think anyone has asked for this,” says Steve Mckenna, Director of Sales at Studio Network Solutions, “but that’s precisely what makes it so brilliant.”

Due to demand, use this link for all inquiries and additional details.