St. Louis, MO—April 1, 2021—Studio Network Solutions (SNS, NASDAQ: SNSEVO) announced today that it has acquired and officially begun the incorporation of the iconic submarine sandwich institution, B-Roll Deli. As a leading manufacturer of shared storage solutions for media professionals, SNS announced the move today during a press conference to a stunned virtual audience. “I hope they know what they’re doing,” commented one engineer who did not wish to be named (Terry). “Complex hardware and software solutions are one thing, but finding the right bread-to-filling ratio can be a very technical endeavor.”
“SNS has always prioritized innovation and collaboration,” said Ryan Stoutenborough, president and sandwich genius at SNS. “By synergizing and circling the wagons several times, we’ve taken the traditional footlong sub and put that into a warm and toasty bread-like hyper-converged media workflow. We’re taking deli sandwiches to the cloud, baby!”
The new acquisition—called the greatest tech/food merger since Apple—includes hundreds of physical locations nationwide. While the team and business structure will stay the same, the new SNS branding includes a revamped menu created by legendary fast-casual innovator Ronald Burgermann.
Burgermann, a high-profile chef for America’s greasiest eateries, enthusiastically created a menu that could be delivered fast, inspire creativity, and satisfy petabyte-level appetites. “I think my new menu will bring the entire post-production team together,” said Burgermann, eyeing the nearest exit. “When you think of SNS, you think of the collaborative tools that help media teams work more efficiently. Meat, cheese, and vegetables work together in the very same way. Media professionals will find common ground with one another when they taste these great subs.”
A Suite of Cold Cuts
“One of the many changes that we’re all looking forward to is that every new EVO will smell like our house-made small-batch artisan kosher pickles,” said Eric Newbauer, vice president, chief technology officer, and manager of toppings at SNS. “What’s the point of buying a deli if you can’t slather your servers in pickle juice?”
Our love of the film and media industry fuels every decision we make. Introducing the all-new signature menu from SNS, pending legal counsel:
In addition to the new signature sandwich menu, customers can also order a variety of crafty-inspired items à la carte. For sides, enjoy individually packaged granola bars, bags of fruit snacks, or a massive box of assorted chips. Don’t forget to open the packages while the sound team records room tone!
Customers can wash down their food with classic beverage choices like bottled water, ice-cold coffee, Capri Suns, and wine from a cardboard box.
Ingest in Record Time
Since EVO users have come to expect fast transfer times and ease-of-access for their media, nothing but the fastest sandwich delivery times will do. To meet this demand, SNS’s newly-acquired nationwide armada of drivers is dedicated to delivering orders almost as fast as you can say 200 gigabit Ethernet. That’s the SNS Swift® guarantee***!
But that’s not all. Our drivers are also trained to help you push your projects to the next level. Each B-Roll Deli sandwich delivery includes a complimentary critique of your edits for style, continuity, and technical skill. Like our sandwiches, our editing advice is certified fresh.
“Our kitchen, assembly, and delivery teams collaborate on every step of the process, which saves valuable time,” said Truman Wheeler, writer and chief delivery officer at SNS. “SNS Swift® means a more efficient workflow from ingest to digest. We’re truly changing the technology and food paradigm.”
Production teams can also look forward to seeing the new “Quick Ingest” button in ShareBrowser, the media asset management software included with EVO shared storage servers. When pressed, this new button will immediately dispatch a driver to your location, armed with a sampler of our signature sub sandwiches. There’s no quicker way to satiate your appetite.
You don’t need to wait for the button, though. Our sandwiches can be ordered online right now! The future of media production is delicious.
***Not a guarantee.